Comfortable silence. Learn to appreciate it.
“We still never talk sometimes” - Swanson
Someone quoting him on the internet like this would go against his whole philosophy
Good.
remembers Pulp Fiction scene least that’s what comfortable silence makes me think of, and yes I agree, it’s nice when a couple people can sit down and not feel like they have to say anything.
30 years ago today - some cinemas are marking the anniversary with a showing.
Holy crap I had no idea it was an actual anniversary! I just think in pop culture bits (memes). Neat. I so remember the first time watching it in the early teens, Tarantino can sure write fun random dialogue also sure was fun seeing Travolta be awesome again at the time after the baby movies. Not that I didn’t enjoy Look Who’s Talking,at the time, but who remembers those after Pulp Fiction for Travolta?
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
This. This exactly. I’m friends with few people, but I’m very good friends with them.
personally im a firm believer in the shut the fuck up and be quiet camp.
Who cares if you talk. If you have something to talk about, talk about it, if not, don’t it’s that simple.
It would be hell to come home to someone who only wanted to talk about the weather and how those jockstraps are doing.
how those jockstraps are doing
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
The one where they ran with the ball and they did the thing?
Oh no, they were about to do the thing, but then the opposition, in a shocking display of competence, stopped them from doing the thing and did the thing themselves!
This has been a major setback in the quest to gain possession of the large ornament typically given to the most competent group!
This is definitely taking on a strange planet vibe.
Their premium is they just walk it in
Pretty sure being in a long term relationship means you’ve moved on from small talk a long time ago.
I don’t want to talk with my wife about the weather, we have more important shit to worry about unless we’re literally having to dodge a tornado.
Small talk is for strangers.
Yup. And if we don’t have anything more important to talk about, we’ll just cuddle. Silence is absolutely fine with people you’re comfortable with.
Huh.
Wife and I talk ALL the time about anything and everything, be it the weather, how weather works, of free will exists, the kids, if kids exists, you name it…
Maybe you’re both extroverts?
We’re both introverts, so we’re totally comfortable just sitting next to each other reading different books, or cuddling on a cold winter night. Sometimes we talk about random stuff, but quite often we’re exhausted from dealing with other people but still want that proximity.
If you went outside and the weather was pleasant you’d never mention it to your wife? Never say anything like “have you been outside? It’s so nice today!”
Genuine appreciation for the weather enough to declare it to those around you isn’t small talk. Small talk is generic filler dialogue you do as a formality.
If you’re being that reductive about the definition of small talk then I don’t think small talk exists between couples who have known each other for a long time because you’re just regular talking.
Or from what this post is even if people are missing it just asking how their day was.
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Yeah, that depends what you mean by small talk. I think you know what you mean, but I’m not sure that we know what you mean.
Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don’t have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
If my partner can’t handle silence, then there’s something seriously wrong. We usually have something to do and if we don’t we just cuddle up. There’s no need for constant noise.
I dont know how to make small talk so i just learned to make really good goat noises
You need to change your name to just_an_average_goat
I’d like to be your friend.
How did everyone take this post to mean that you should only do small talk with your partner and not have deeper conversations?
I think this was written by someone who isn’t comfortable with extended periods of silence with their partner.
My wife and I barely speak or communicate nonverbally for hours sometimes, then talk at great length other times. We always give each other an opportunity to talk about our day or whatever else is important, but we don’t talk about trivial things simply for the sake of talking. We’re comfortable with silence.
Idk I took it more to mean “wow I don’t want to start a deep, thoughtful conversation the moment I get home from work let me relax for a minute” while at the same time still wanting to talk to your partner. But I guess it’s up to reader interpretation and I do seem to be in the minority here.
You’re not alone. I think people might be projecting their own reasons for liking/disliking smalltalk into this tweet.
I just feel like a lot of people here are defining “small talk” as “a conversation that I don’t want to have” rather than any meaningful definition.
I would consider stepping outside in the morning with your partner and stating “oh wow it’s such a nice day today” to be small talk. It’s a conversation without an end goal, sure, but I don’t think it’s as worthless as people are making it out to be.
Yeah, like, obviously if you define it as something like that you don’t like that, but I don’t think that’s how everyone defines it.
My bet is, for the same reason that the post assumes that people who hate smalltalk can’t have a meaningful relationship
And that reason would be?
Yes
There’s likely at least a small correlation between people who dislike small talk and being at least somewhat socially inept.
(This doesn’t mean I’m saying everyone who dislikes small talk is socially inept. That’s not how correlations work.)
I would say it is likely complex. One might also assume for similar simplistic reasons that small talk is primarily used by people who get insecure if someone else isn’t constantly acknowledging their presence by talking with them about something.
Likely neither of those simplistic explanations do the full complexity of social dynamics justice.
Wife and I have a longstanding argument over whether free-will exists.
I say it does and she has no choice but to say otherwise.
and she has no choice
I am forced to see what you did there :D
One time I was talking about this with my friends. I said I believe it exists and they all laughed and said “particles have rules, you’re made of particles.” 🥺
Consider this, free will can still be pre-planned. We can choose what we want to do, so what if it was pre planned? I still chose it.
I like to change definitions to secure my position also
what definition did I change?
The meaning of free will.
The meaning of free will is exactly what people are discussing when they talk about whether or not it exists. What does and what doesn’t count as free will is what’s up for discussion.
I think free will as a concept is kinda stupid I’ve yet to talk to anyone who can actually give it a solid definition that isn’t something like “it means we can do what we want”
Either your decision is based on your personality, meaning it’s not free it’s a set calculation based on genetics and accumulated experience or it’s completely random meaning it’s not will at all
Free will as a philosophical concept has less to do with “I can do what I want” and more to do with “I have control over my actions/thoughts.” This gets into all sorts of interesting corners, such as:
- if God exists and is all-knowing, can God know what you’re about to do? If God does, is it really your choice, or just something God planned long ago?
- if God doesn’t exist, then we’re all products of everything that came before. Assuming that’s the case, a sufficiently powerful computer with a sufficiently large amount of data could determine what you’re about to do. If that’s the case, is it really your choice, or are you just a really complex automaton where the inputs (your life experiences and current situation) exactly determine your actions?
- in either of the above cases, if you’re unaware that another observer knows what you’ll do, do you retain free will? Does free will disappear the moment you learn of this observer? Can knowing about the observer change your actions in an unpredictable way, or can actions always be predicted?
And so on. There are some interesting discussions there at the edges, like at what point AI gains free will. That can have very real moral implications (i.e. when does AI get personhood?), so it’s not just idle chat.
If you just start talking to some random person about it, then you’re unlikely to get a high-quality conversation; because most of the stuff people will say about it is inane or obvious or obviously wrong, etc. But there are definitely interesting discussions and thoughts that can be had about it. I’ve had countless garbage conversations about, and a handful of good ones. Probably my favoutite take is from Daniel Dennett’s book “Freedom Evolves”. He is very careful to build up a strong picture of what is it that we’re talking about and what the ‘obvious’ problems are, before then carefully and systematically showing those things aren’t really problems with what we were talking about anyway. Before reading that book, I was hard line in the camp of “obviously free will doesn’t exist; that’s a scientific fact”; but after reading it… well, I’d now say “it depends exactly what you mean, but probably the free will you’re talking about does exist.”.
Can your free will be restricted in any way? Someone in prison has less agency than you or I, if that means his free will is restricted then we have more free will than he does. Therefore it exists.
Why do we need to bother executing it then? Choice has no value if agency to exercise it is revoked at any stage.
Not executing it would also be predetermined. The only thing you can do is pretend to choose.
that thought affects your brain, and therefore the future! :D
But you didn’t choose to have the thought did you?
Quick think of a city and then explain to me why you didn’t pick Cairo
speaking of brains, mine just exploded!
btw the text before the spoiler doesn’t show up on jerboa
if we don’t, then the predetermined outcome won’t happen!
How is it a choice if there is no other options?
/woosh
It’s really not much of a whoosh when some people hold that position legitimately
When I get my ballot with an uncontested seat, I can still choose whether to check the box. Even though it doesn’t impact the outcome at all, I still have the choice on whether to check the box. Even if I am completely restrained and my movements are forced, I still have the choice of whether to accept or resist that action, even if it’s just a mental protest.
So I don’t think there’s ever a case where there are no other options, but there are plenty of situations where there are no other good options (e.g. cake or death), but that doesn’t restrict your free will, it just restricts your options.
Free will exists because I can change my mind about liking or wanting something.
I want to rebuke you but you name is even more triggering. There is no linear chaos, you need non-linearities or discontinuities for chaos.
Glad I could be of use.
The concept behind linear chaos is that the chaos is bound at one point. The theoretical cone of influence can only move in one direction and widen at a set rate. Kind of a mashup of chaos over time.
Ah that’s really cool. So maybe similar to how turbulence can form at one point while the preceding flow remains laminar?
Yeah, chaos crops up in linear systems sometimes in unexpected places.
There are a couple of scientific papers on it, and at least one textbook. Even at that I’m not sure it’s a well-accepted theory, but the idea suits me.
Sometimes you don’t need to fill the silence with sounds. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone that we can sit down and be quiet together
Or you can use literal sounds instead of words. My spouse and I have this thing going on where we make this kind of squeak/baloon sound with our mouth which has the same effect as “hi, nice to see you”.
Oh thank god my partner and I aren’t the only ones. Don’t get me wrong, we know and like that we’re weird, but it’s nice to have company.
A few steps away from becoming furries.
/satire
Hahahaha I love hearing about other people’s microcultures
My wife and I do things in threes: three taps, three nudges, three blinks, three noises, whatever. It means “I love you”. It’s a nice way to say it when you’re too tired to say it. I think it originated when we’d say it as we were falling asleep.
Me and my gf usually say Ahoozles (shortened from Anyhoozles) and just a way of saying “I want to talk to you, I just don’t know what I want to talk about
We just say “you know…” and then the other person will either say “yep/same” or “no I don’t know” depending on the mood. And if the cat makes noise we’ll also just say “I know buddy me too”
Or fuck.
For most couples that takes up like 15 minutes once every 3-5 days or possibly much longer.
Longer than 15 minutes?
Longer than 3-5 days I think
I don’t know if I have the stamina to go for 3 to 5 days, let alone longer!
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They did say “sometimes”, but it seems like you took that to mean “all the times”?
Everything is a balance and people are different anyways. I don’t know many people who like any of the extremes. But it’s a different amount for everyone. And the “partner” thing is strange anyways. As long as you’re madly in love, you probably enjoy hearing about every pea in their canteen meal. That might fade after 20 years of marriage. Or a stressful day at work. Or with kids. Or it doesn’t. Both is fine. As long as it’s consenting partners. 😆
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in!
Plan…?
