Excellent! Now I just have to sort out the eating for free part and I’m all set!

I could eat for free for the next 50 years and still not be able to buy a home

Uzumaki

Buddy, she’s breaking up with you. Accept it.

I had a hot chocolate at Starbucks once. It tasted like cardboard.

I know, right? I always thought she was on Desperate Housewives

I mean, the nerve in that hearing!

Wait, they play tennis? I thought they were boxers

EDIT: Oooooooh

He did the Riyadh Comedy Festival. He was judged especially hard since his dad was a 9/11 victim

Jane Wickline has singlehandedly breathed new life into SNL for me. Previously it was Pete Davidson (RIP his career choices) that made me feel represented there. Made me excited to watch.

No, it’s cool. The flames cancel out the ice. The resulting sensation is actually quite pleasant

DHS! DHS, over here! Oh! Oh! DHS! Look here! DHS! Down here, DHS! Look here! No, not there! Here, look at me! Are you looking?

Fuck you.

I find your comment insulting. I dare you to try saying that in my group.

I’m defo never gonna be allowed into the US. Ever.

Good.

Means I’m less likely to get shot. Ever.

Copying my videos from my phone to my external harddrives as I type this

Dude… this is insane. This kind of work should be done by law enforcement or something. Certainly by somebody who has seen plenty of video evidence in their lifetime. By somebody who has regular visits with a mental health specialist as a work requirement. Unbelievable the things the tech industry will save on and how little they care about people. Why don’t they have their own damn family members watch all that deranged crap?

Bark bark

Woof woof

Good boy

“You’re right, Paris is in France. Though there is an Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas, it is only a replica of the original. I will calculate our new route immediately. Sorry for the inconvenience!”

“food becomes an issue”

Literally the first thing any Romanians mention to me about the late 80s, right before the revolution. Stores were empty and everyone was lining up for rations.

haha lol dude no