I saw this asked on another instance, thought I’d ask it here and I’ll post my response from there in the comments as I think it felt cathartic.
Doesn’t need to be a life or death situation, just any moment in your life where you found yourself saying “Holy shit, I can’t believe this is happening!”
Joblessness and social isolation? After graduating at September 2022, unlike other students who already secured their jobs around March, I had nothing. And it’s still the same for me. I dread applying to jobs. It fills me with so much fear, I don’t bother. At one point I had a really bad panic attack, that I deleted all my Git accounts online, and every project backup, shut down my laptop, doing nothing for almost two month except staring the roof, because I was so done. I could not believe that I had sacrificed my teen, getting isolated, losing out on socializing, partying and all that shit. I convinced myself that this would reward me, because those cringey grind-set YouTubers told me, and that I was probably the main character or something. I completed my engineering degree with such great difficulty, because I was severely depressed, I lost all my sleep, I stopped attending classes, waking up at 12 in the noon. I’m going to be 24, and I’ve successfully wasted two years without any experience, nor any degree to back my use of time.
I can relate to this, although I didn’t go the degree route to end up as a software developer and in not sure how much of this will be transferable, but you literally have plenty of time and you can make vast changes in a short period of time.
I completed a bootcamp, but I just couldn’t perform in interviews and I got so anxious I would either clam up or just talk too much, ADHD too much.
I was devastated as I pinned all my hopes of being happy on this career change. So I did another bootcamp and again sucked at interviewing. I was making loads of projects on GitHub but not progressing. Suffice to say I managed to get fired by a small company and although the pay isn’t amazing, and I’m still insecure about my skills. You will get hired if you persist.
The other point I want to make, is I am still not happy, I am happier to be doing something I enjoy but it’s still a grind man. My employers didn’t care about my GitHub and didn’t even look at it, didn’t check my portfolio and really they wanted someone that was capable of following their coding practices rather than someone who would be pig headed about all they knew.
It also matters what roles you’re applying for. I was never going to be hired by London banks as I just didn’t fit in or have that mindset, although I interviewed for a few. I found my place in small company that will help me grow my skills and confidence. Maybe in the future I can move somewhere else, but still not a massive company. I have friends working in Canary Wharf and they have maybe 10% the coding I get to do, because they have to go through review processes and such and maybe what they build doesn’t even go live ever.
I guess I just want to say if massive salary isn’t your only goal and you just want to have a somewhat fun job where you solve problems then stick at it, but you first have to get out of the rut, which is the hardest thing in the world. You’ll need to reach out to friends, family or people on here for support to get a routine. Sleep is the hardest. Stop sleeping in the day if you do that, I like to take walks when I finish work before dinner time just so I don’t sleep. Then you can sleep at night, then you’ll be able to have a routine. Once you have a routine you just have to grind out the soul destroying interviews until you find one that lands. I know it can be disheartening, but honestly if I can get hired then anybody can.
You’re 24 and I made it at late thirties. Now I will confess I am lucky (sad) enough to be back at my mums so I was able to save money and not stress so much.
Another thing that helped me no end was working at Apple. I started as a Christmas temp and moved to the Genius Bar. Working there is something else. Like everybody had another side hustle, whether it be photography, music making or whatever. When you’re surrounded by people like that it’s kinda inspiring. Plus you get to handle problem solving too and really work on the social skills required. For instance talking to customers whilst typing on an iPad is hella hard at first as it feels rude not to be looking at them. Plus handling all the assholes etc.
This is long now and I digress a lot, but essentially, even if cliche, you can make it. You just have to stick at it. Even through the hardest of times. For me keeping my mind busy and routine is key otherwise I’m prone to wallow and wonder why nothing changes.
Also, the grass ain’t not greener over here. Perhaps we are not destined for happiness but we can have a less horrible time you know.
You have so much time in front of you and the anxiety that you’re feeling is incredibly common. Don’t give up! For many jobs a degree is just proof that you have the determination and perseverance to start and finish something. Many employers prefer someone with basic skills, the personality to take direction, and willingness to learn. I went back to school at 34. As a new grad, I had someone say in an interview, " We can teach you skills. The interview is to make sure you fit into our organization." Is there anyplace in your community that offers job coaching or practice interviews to help you overcome the anxiety?