I know you’re joking but you basically just suggested buying a pack of frozen mixed veggies so you can pick out and use only the carrots for your stew, and the idea of someone actually doing that sends my brain into a tailspin

I love the voice change, it makes it sound like it’s saying the item with massive air quotes so suddenly everything sounds like a euphemism for something terrible

If I had a nickel for every time I was troubleshooting with a friend and discovered they thought turning the monitor off and on again was “rebooting the computer” I’d be depressingly wealthy.

I want more of this guy

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Lol no one’s trying to tell you your experience, they’re trying to tell you the experiences reported by everyone else. That’s the difference between anecdotal evidence and empirical evidence.

…driving people to go crazy with demand for the shai-hulussy-shaped vessel.

This can’t be legal

Do they… they torture them with a rubber horse…?

ETA: Goddammit it says rubber hose

I admire the bravery it takes to be so wrong in public like this. You’re an inspiration

Alternate title: Find someone who can sit on your face

See a doctor

I think you’re confusing civilization with utopia

Well you didn’t think that sling was just made of out any old leather, did you?

My coworker flips his shit every time I include a ternary operator in a PR. He also insists on refactoring any block of code longer than two lines into its own function, even when it’s only used once.

He is not well liked.

Is that better or worse than explaining that you just orgasmed because you just love playing chess?

🎵 Do you wanna rob a pet shoooop?

Come on, let’s go get paaaaaid 🎶

My favorites are flesh fries

Get weird about that thing you’re weird about

I want this cross stitched over my mantelpiece

“You’re running from me, now”

My dumb ass was sitting here for a minute trying to figure out what sort of gremlin drinks booze from a bowl before I realized you meant weed 🤣