Make it so!

rolls eyes

I thought the whole point of the fediverse was that it doesn’t matter which service you use, just as long as you’re in the pool.

“Dear Onion readers. We here at the Onion can take pride in releasing regular quality absurdist humor in the form of satire news. In recent years real life events have pushed the boundries of absurdism. We’d recently published such articles as ‘Thanksgiving politics ends in nine year old comitting manslaughter’ to which 3 years later would seem less of absurdism, and more of a thing that actually happened. What we’re trying to say is, we would just love it if the real world could just stop being so stupid. We are trying to create dumb articles which rely on the concept of presenting a perspective that lowers the bar. How are we supposed to do that when the now president elect was seen for months spouting off the dumbest bullshit? I mean really America…eating cats and dogs? Maybe the boomers were right. Maybe marijuanna SHOULD be illegal. With rise of legal weed, you all clearly voted while high. How are we supposed to lower the bar of intelligence, when we’re limboing underground?”

This is how I’d write the next Onion article.

Birds: Are they real?

Forget the second shooter theory, the real conspiracy was that there was a second JFK. The one you saw die was just a lab grown clone.

“Potatoes are source of smelly alien goo, if left in back of pantry unattended for 3 months”

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!”

I’m the kind of person who obsesses over details like this. Now, in reality, I know it’s just a silly little joke in a silly comic.

On a deeper level, maybe the artist wasn’t confident in their own ability to draw a prison, and have the reader understand. Even though I think it’s blatently obvious even without that part.

But the REAL fun begins when you try to explain that detail from within the context of the story world they live in.

I like to think there was a time when they were building this prison that construction workers kept getting asked what they were building. It looked huge, and they thought “oh, maybe it’s a MASSIVE library! Look how big the foundation alone is! They could make it 20 floors tall, and have specialized departments of learning.”

And another person asked if it would be a multiplex cinema with 40 screens.

Someone else asked if it would be a hospital.

Then another guy asked how to get to main st. He was just passing through town, and got lost.

Still though, it began interupting their day so often that they put up that sign as they built it. Then when they were done, the state wouldn’t pay anything extra to remove the sign, and so it stayed up after completion.

This construction crew is the only one in town. And so they did this on every building they build. Just down the road is a modernized McDonalds. The grey buildings that don’t look like anything. In the front, in addition to the company provided logo and signage, is also “This is a McDonalds” on the side that faces the road.

This is how my brain is. Creating little backstories for mundane details, that I know aren’t true. Sometimes I’ll see a penny on the ground. “I wonder how this got here…”

That wasn’t autotune. That’s just what older robots sound like.

Ultima Online?

15 years ago, was the early days of twitter, the dying days of myspace, and the point where facebook first became dominant.

You talking about one of those? Because zero chance your myspace are still up.

And facebook/twitter? Ew.

It’s more like the lunatics have escaped the asylum and are now running the country.

Also there never was an asylum. I’d be fine with them being held captive of one building together, where they’re free to rule the building from within a building. Then it wouldn’t affect our lives. Who gives a shit what they do in their isolated society? It’s when they gain government that shit gets out of hand.

I’m sorry, no. The point when you find yourself relating to libertarians is the time you should really ask yourself two simple questions

1 - Am I a dumbass?

2 - Why am I trying to herd myself in with a group of dumbasses?

Soooooooo…what happens whenever X eventually dies? Does Bluesky just defederate, and say “Haha! It is I who has the most audience, therefore I who dictate the industry!”

Hot or not was a thing until friendster was a thing.

Friendster was a thing, until myspace was a thing.

Myspace was a thing until facebook was a thing.

We’ve seen this line of ups and downs before. Eventually Twitter will be replaced. And then the new thing will be around. As of right now, Bluesky is “federated”, but it REALLY feels like they don’t want to be. Drop of a hat, and they’re defederated. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t see it.

I want you to imagine signing up for a service that has extroplatratinated defubulinators. And everybody on the service is taking full advantage of it. But you haven’t signed up yet, so your defubulinator needs to be created and calibrated before you can gain anything from it. Now imagine if you had no idea what extroplatratinated defubulinators even were, and you weren’t being given any indication what they do, or how to use them. Imagine you had no idea what I was even talking about. And imagine what you would do if search engines wouldn’t help you figure it out. But here I am, ranting and raving about how much better it is for you than traditional methods. But you couldn’t find ANYONE who used it, or knew what I was talking about either.

So now you just keep living life. Never again taking what I said serious.

Maybe put something in the documentation that says “If you tell me good code is it’s own documentation, I will lose my temper and slit your throat. And if you wear a pink baseball cap to work, the next day I’ll give you a donut.”

And then you get work only with people who read your documentation.

You know…on account of how you murdered the others!

I’m only learning who you are through context of THIS conversation. How have I never seen you before?

Hi, It’s Josh from Let’s Game It Out. We’re entering The Matrix today…

Alright. Deleteing the leather pants…oh my!

I don’t care about the quarter, but in a different way. If I see someone getting out of their car, I say “You need a cart?”

Shit, I’d rather give it to them, than walk across the parking lot. Now if I don’t see anyone, THEN I’ll take it back. But I’d rather just give the cart to someone who needs it anyways. Screw the quarter! Oh no! I’m missing out on…30 seconds of earned income!!!

Thanks Disney.

Ah, yes. The secret to getting a good nights sleep is to twist your spine in 14 different directions at once.

Trump beats women repeatedly. Now there’s a headline…