“If I had a dash cam, I could demonstrate the dozens of obviously distracted teens I’ve run down while recklessly driving through school zones. If these kids looked up every once in a while, they’d make it home for spring break.”

It’s actually kind of the opposite! Americans are so used to being held at gunpoint these days they don’t even bat an eye. It happens at the post office, in traffic, day care pickup. Waiters will bring the food to your table guns akimbo at Denny’s! I don’t even reach for the Tetris app anymore, it’s so pedestrian. Hope that clears it up, friend!

She liked other bacon, but Wendy’s was the only one she’d get aggressive over.

My cat did that with Wendys bacon specifically. She would try and pull it out of our mouths. She loved it so much that we’d stop after vet visits to get her a side of bacon.

Right? It seems like they usually show up when there are naked children around.

CES 2026: Meet a handful of excrement!

It’s a good fucking day to have aphantasia!

I’m going to kick you in the b-a-l-l-s.

That’s why I always call it a packet storm. “Girl, I’m about to DDOS that booty.”

In chalk! If you don’t like it, grab a hose or kick the sidewalk for a couple minutes. Fucking fascist snow flakes.

…or, ya know. Stop throwing brown and trans people into your corporate slavery prisons. Either way!

‘Fuck them kids’ is probably the plan. That global elite pedo ring is definitely recruiting at Guantanamo.

If I was surrounded by violent sexual predators like that, my fight, flight, or freeze would be activated, too.

Alphabet, Meta and X need to be wiped from the planet before they take us all with them. Too bad there’s no money in saving the species…

A ‘dirty chandelier’ sounds like something Trump would do with a 13 year old.

Cheers, mate! Things are really coming up burnout.

It’s to hide all the piss stains.

Yeah, that position would definitely hurt my back… and knees.

There’s an old joke about a guy who’s house sitting for a friend and he calls to say that his cat died. The friend say something like ‘don’t jump right to that bad news; build it up for a bit. Tell me the cat’s stuck on the roof and then tell me it fell’. The friend then says, “oh, well your grandma is stuck on the roof.” Damn, I hope this is just how they’re choosing to tell us.

The new meta of dystopian fiction is utopia that we can never have.