I didn’t realize Rock Creek was considered so polluted.

At least it isn’t as bad as the Anacostia River

Where do I sign up?

Do I have to pay or is this covered by insurance?

If I have to pay, can you just send me a bill after?

Ikea should sell bookshelves that convert into coffins

Clearly I need more satan in my life.

Yeah, that’s my plan, but I can’t while my parents are still alive, because it would make them sad.

I had a similar response when I was asked last year during a checkup “how’s your mental health”.

My response was just to laugh for a bit and then to say “fine”.

It’s broken.

Where do I sign up?

This is one of the reasons not to try it in a public place, especially a busy one

I’m tired, boss

Is your small construction business even publicly traded, or do you not understand what a CEO is?

Either way, you are clearly getting your panties in a bunch over nothing. Noone on this side is against small businesses.

When the shrooms finally kick in

There is also a Friday in 500 years; doesn’t mean I am making it that far.

Exactly. Gallows humor is a normal and healthy coping mechanism. That’s why it is standard in military, first responders, hospitals, etc…

How young do you think millennials are? You seem to have us confused with zoomers and gen alpha. I’m not even one of the older millennials and not only grew up with film cameras, but my parents still had a rotary phone when I was a child.

Edit: I also used a typewriter through high school, although that was mostly for practicing typing skills.

Additionally, while we did have cassette tapes, and later on CDs as well, I spent a considerable amount of time as a child listening to my parents’ record collection.

I really hope my mom hasn’t gotten rid of my lego collection after I moved out like she did with my rocketry collection without asking me…

Wait until you get to your late 40s.

I don’t plan to

I felt the same way with kefir grains

We open at 1pm today. Not looking forward to the Easter Sunday buffet crowd…