Today I had a work call with a colleague who has been mentoring me for a few months now (nothing serious, just someone to ask now and then if I need advice). Around half way through this call, once they had answered my original question, out of the blue and unprompted they asked “wasp, have you considered that you might be neurodivergent?”
From the short conversation I then had, they have noticed that I hyperfocus, I can’t organise for shit, I regularly stop mid sentence and change the subject, and that I bounce between trains of thought rapidly which makes it hard for people to keep up. I was a bit surprised as I don’t work particularly closely with this colleague and while I’m aware that I do these things they have never really been mentioned before, and certainly not attributed to anything other than me being a bit overenthusiastic.
I won’t delve too deeply here, but today has certainly been a day of self reflection. Regardless of whether I am or am not neurodivergent, I have always felt able to pass as neurotypical and today has been the first time I have had anyone question this. Suddenly I’m thinking that maybe I should be taking the possibility of me having ADHD a lot more seriously. The penny has finally dropped that I need to get this checked out.
Any advice on what I should do next? I’ve booked in to see my doctor, but what would you all recommend to a potential ADHD newcomer?
Medication really made a huge difference in my quality of performance in life. No more embarrassement about being unable to help dozing off in meetings and looking like a fool. I’ve microslept at the wheel several times before and medications completely eliminated that. It’s the only way I’d reasonably trust myself to do long outstation drives.
Although, I do have a story about the first small road trip I did with my partner after being prescribed. 3h drive both ways, and both times I only remembered that I was supposed to take my medication (on an empty stomach) halfway into my meals. I still made the drive with support, but it was a lot tougher than it needed to be, lol.
I make a lot of jokes about medication since I take it now but I do have an underlying fear of developing substance addictions, so I’d like to look into psychotherapy to develop even more unmedicated life management skills when I can afford it.
Gosh, I can relate with the depression though. I think struggling with symptoms of ADHD pushed me into depression. I used to have outbursts and crying meltdowns as a teenager, but it stopped when I went into university and met supportive friends. But my mood cycles and occasionally I can get very fixated on negative thoughts that will just drain me and ruin my day. Been considering medication, talked to my psychiatrist (who also has ADHD and understands) about it, but haven’t started yet.
Honestly that 80/90s scare did a doozy on most GenX/Millenial underlying mentals on how they treat or medicate. Medicine is literally medicine. Not a crutch, not something to be scared of. If you’re not scared of the literal food you eat or the water you drink, then you shouldn’t for meds either. It’s a necessary thing for us mostly because of scumbag genetics and probably some environmental conditions. I do hope you’re actually happy with either route you take.
Yeah I’d still say I’m fairly stoic/quiet, but I at least have all my emotions now. I’m confident I used stoicism as a counter for the ADHD as a crutch for focusing. Unfortunately it was very much like going through life like the scene in Fight Club where the Narrator could barely hear his boss lol. Sure things mattered, I did stuff, but I didn’t really feel much of anything when going through the motions. I had good empathy for others, but not for myself. I just didn’t care about shit. However, I was never suicidal and never will be probably. Too scared of death and FOMO.
These days? Have a toddler, another on the way sooner than later. I leak all the time watching shit lol.
I’ve heard a good analogy before that so many of our emotions are like a filled glass of water. Someone with depression like mine always had the glass half full so unless some CRAZY amounts of stuff happened, the glass would never overflow. Others, it’s ALWAYS about to spill over. For most healthy people, it’s filled, but there’s still space at the top. Sad stuff should be able to make you sad and poignant things cry. Mad things shouldn’t let you be a dormat forever, but they shouldn’t instantly make you pop either. That glass has felt APPROPRIATELY full after meds.