Unless the government collapses in the next 20 years and can’t pay it.

I’m sure if they take power, their first order of business would be to legalize all Nazi symbolism and drop the “we’re just run of the mill conservatives” facade entirely.

Conservatives believe there are only 2 possible roles for a father, absent or abusive.

You can’t really separate the Holocaust from the Nazis.

The ID verification is the purpose. Keeping minors off is a smokescreen, tracking every citizen on social media is the real reason for this law.

Silent? I fucking wish you idiots were silent.

Mike Johnson, the previous and likely current Speaker of the House, believes the Earth is 6000 years old. Yes, it’s exclusively the crazies that believe it, but there’s more of them than you’d hope.

The stated jackpot isn’t just before tax, it’s the future amount that it would be worth after collecting interest for 30 years.

Yes. The exceptions are a smaller cardinality of infinity than the set of all real numbers.

It’s all a weird act. Kids swear around other kids, adults swear around other adults, but oh no, you can’t let kids hear those dangerous swear words that they already know and use every day.

Anything with a nonzero probability will happen infinitely many times. The complete works of Shakespeare consist of 5,132,954 characters, 78 distinct ones. 1/(78^5132954 ) is an incomprehensibly tiny number, millions of zeroes after the decimal, but it is not zero. So the probability of it happening after infinitely many trials is 1. lim(1-(1-P)^n ) as n approaches infinity is 1 for any nonzero P.

An outcome that you’d never see would be a character that isn’t on the keyboard.

Dolphins are pretty much the only other animal to display straight-up malice.

Also, if you compare the age of the universe right now to how long it will be until heat death, we are absurdly early. We’re in the first 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the universe’s lifespan.

Climate change was known and covered up by oil companies since the 1930s.

Is my tolerance supernaturally low or something? A 5mg gummy is plenty, and 10mg is physically uncomfortable. Not complaining of course, low tolerance saves a lot of money.

To quote the Onion themselves:

No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.

Because novelty is all it has. As soon as it stops improving in a way that makes people say “oh that’s neat”, it has to stand on the practical merits of its capabilities, which is, well, not much.

We could have had that. Now, we might not even have an FTC.

The election emboldened some very shitty people to go mask off.

Strictly speaking, the energy it consumes is the gravitational potential energy of the ore they’re mining, which would be consumed anyway in the form of, well, gravity, acting on the ore on the way down. They’re just using it productively instead of dissipating it as heat from the brakes. Using only energy that ordinarily would have been wasted is of course very neat, but it’s not breaking any laws of physics.